So, I went to Le Pain Quotidien as is my usual Sunday breakfast spot, to be seated “just the one thanks” on the large table in the middle where I’ve come to find all the “just the one thanks” people are sat. Me with my book, a girl with her paper, a guy on his phone, you get the picture. A sweet waitress asks if she can take the spider out of my hair, I now feel like one of the Twits and struck with the realisation that perhaps the future me is destined to be the lady with the whiskers sat in the corner with her shopping trolley.
A couple of years after my seventeen-year relationship ended I started thinking about dating again, but I had questions to answer.
“Will I actually be attractive to anyone?”
“How does this all work?” (Considering the last time I had dated was pre-millennium).
“How does this work now that I’m a parent, do I have to date only divorced guys who have children so they will understand where I am?”
“Will I have trouble conversing with someone of the opposite sex?” (Bearing in mind I can pretty much speak to anyone and I’m booked to speak at conferences internationally about ‘networking’, so why I would think my talking would actually be a problem, I don’t really know.).
It’s now been just over a year now since I started going out on dates. Some people want me to write my stories down which do give good dinner party entertainment granted, however, I kind of think that my dating crushes and blows might be best left unsaid for the next person to find their own way. Much like Mums and their ‘birthing’ stories, nobody really tells you the whole deal, if they did none of us would probably reproduce!
Now, over a year in I do wonder if I want to be in a ‘relationship’, or if I’m just happy going out with a guy occasionally and not having to have all the ‘couple’ stuff that goes with it. I watch the way people bark at each other in supermarkets, ordering their partner in no uncertain terms to “go get some oregano”, whilst said partner meekly wanders off in search of the herb aisle. I don’t want somebody to speak to me like that. I see couples sitting in restaurants, reading the paper or tapping away at their phones and not communicating with each other. I don’t want that either.
I am really enjoying my journey of self-discovery. I’m not saying I’m taking myself out on dates as I read one woman did after being stood up (yep, me too). I often go out to restaurants alone, and the theatre, cinema, galleries, etc, but of my choosing. I would much rather go to something I’d like to see on my own than miss it because I couldn’t find someone to come with me. And that includes a mate, not just a date to come with me.
So I don’t know if I’m ready to mutter “table for two please” I’m really more than happy for now to hang out with the singles on the centre table. But maybe we can just glance over at each other occasionally so we don’t have to rely on wait staff to pluck insects out of our hair?
Oh, and if you want to know the answers to any of the previous questions:
Yes, still working it out, no and no.